Last night's X Factor made a very deliberate point of mentioning the bad press that Danyl Johnson has received over the past few weeks. Regardless of how many standing O's he gets from Simon Cowell, or how well orchestrated his "feel sorry for myself" face is, Moopy just does not like him. Whilst there's just under an hour to go until we find out if the UK public once again feels the same way and dumps him back in the sing-off, let's check in with the 101 Reasons why you HATE Danyl thread (the current total stands at 52):
1. The spelling of his name. 'Danyl'. What a twat
2. Them fucking jeans he always wears to meet a mentor (rolled up and EUGH). If you meet Whitney you MAKE AN EFFORT
3. His tongue, its MASSIVE and annoyingly gets shoved in our faces everytime he opens his enormous mouth for the big note.
4. His 'sad puppy' eyes
5. His freakishly large mouth
6. The cunt deleted OUR Eileen from his facebook
7. For not laughing at Dannii's joke about him being bisexual. If it is funny in her head you LAUGH. Even if it is at her, not with her
8. That fact that he brought Dannii Queen of Clubz into disrepute
9. That VOICE, which sounds like he has a potato RAMMED down his throat. OH HOW I WISH!
10. The annoying dancing he did at Simon's judges home
11. The fact he's still there and Miss F.R.A.N.K. are gone
12. For singing SO out of tune at the start of the group song 'I Got A Feeling' - probably why they all have to mime now
13. He has cheeks like cartoon character, not a good cartoon character, a shit cartoon character... with BIG ANNOYING CHEEKS
14. For trying to muster up sympathy because his mother 'drives all the way from kent' to watch him perform. KENT
15. The fact that apparently DANYL (or DANIEL) isn't EVEN HIS REAL NAME. He changed it by deed poll and it's JON BLOGGS or something. WANKER
16. The fact that they keep referring to him as TEACHER, DANYL when in fact he only runs a SATURDAY MORNING DRAMA GROUP for kids
17. His SHITAWFUL intro montage thing, where he's posing 'sexily' all slouched to one side. COCK
18. Britains fifth best girlband (after Girls Aloud, Sugababes, The Saturdays and Girlband) Kandi Rain had to suffer the indignity of being kicked off the show before him
19. The fact he KILLED a modern, Whitney classic live on British TV before THE VOICE herself had the chance
20. Whitney hates him. That's all I need to know
21. He made me waste 15 seconds of my life this morning reading he tweets about how you shouldn't eat cornflakes in bed. WORSE THAN MICHELLE WILLIAMS
22. He called Stacie a TEEN SLAG or something just because he's jealous he doesn't have a vagina and THEN forced her to have a smiley paparazzi photo with him OR ELSE HE'LL SET HIS FROG GOB ON HER
23. He's challenging the Conway Sisters for the title of most punchable X Factor contestant
24. Trying to beatbox at Bootcamp
25. He opens his mouth so wide you can see his fillings
26. He opens his mouth so wide you can see his anus
27. The fact that he sings in a horrible affected way and doesn't sing the melody properly (probably because he CAN'T) and then starts shouting and no one ever says anything about it. And the fact this is set to be repeated every week until he is finally booted off
28. He is often OUT OF TUNE
29. He did the exact same performance twice as if we hadn't seen it
30. He leapt at the opportunity for some VICTIMISATION SYMPATHY after Danni's innocuous comment and never said anything to clear her name.
31. The fact that he gets a Standing O every week for 24
32. How Simon keeps masturbating over him when he's CLEARLY SHIT
33. He looks SHORT
34. He IS short
35. He has that weird sort of semi lisp thing that Su Elise from Mis-Teeq has
36. The face says "no-one is safe in this competition, not even ME" whilst the eyes scream "I'm a WINNER!"
37. Go away and listen to the MELODY
38. He wears cheap, arse-end of Topman sale, boat shoes with those rotten jeans of his. Nautical twat
39. The insistance that EVERY song ever recorded, whether Feeling Good or The Cheeky Song, needs to have an obligatory shouty long, drawn out "money" note right at the end to bring Simon Cowell to his feet
40. He called Stacey adopted
41. He thinks he is more liked than Hitler
42. Hitler knew how to WORK A CROWD
43. And get votes (well ISH)
44. Hitler was an ARTIST
45. Hilter probably wouldn't have voted for Danyl
46. He couldn't be arsed to come out fighting with his performance unlike Rachel and many others who have been in the sing-off over the years
47. His moronic fans. On X-tra factor some twonk called in and refered to Dannii & Cheryl's constructive critism (about losing his mojo) as "bullying". Get a grip luv!
48. He is a bullying victim
49. He's a cunt
50. He's too ashamed to come out as gay, so sticks with bi so he doesn't lose fans
51. His 'woe-is-me-so-vote-for-me' expression
52. The fact he forgot the words and no fucker bothered mentioning it, though when other people do it they lose their shit over it
Ok, so you might think Moopy is unnecessarily harsh (or that we really struggle to count into double digits without getting confused), but just look at that face and then try to resist clicking here and adding to the tally...
Actually he's a really nice guy, very talented too. Why don't you listen more to what Simon Cowell says, after all he's the one who makes millions of pounds in the music industry. He knows far more than you do.
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